One Donation, 22 Stoves, 1500 girls, 3000 lungs

The following is my story and how I came about making a difference in the world one lung at a time and how your time and donation can change the lives of thousands of girls for years to come.

In April of 2013 I quit my job as a college recruiter in Denver, Colorado. I sold or packed up all my belongings and moved to India. Why India you may ask. Well a close friend of mine, Lucy, had previously volunteered for three months at an all girls orphanage in Joseph Nagar, India. She was deeply moved by the people she met there and the experiences and knowledge she gained. Lucy told me that it was one of the best experiences of her life and would not trade it for anything in the world. She knew I wanted to travel the world, experience different cultures, and help people along the way so she connected me with Homes of Hope, the organization that facilitated Lucy's volunteering. Homes of Hope is a non-profit organization that not only places volunteers in Salesian Sisters' orphanages across Southern India but also is a main partner in their funding, growth, and development. I sent in my application in January and found out that I would be arriving in India on April 11th.

When I first arrived at the 90 children orphanage in Jospeh Nagar I saw a multitude of things that I never would have expected. Some of them I was prepared for others caught me so off guard that I was moved to tears and then action. One of those that moved me so much I knew, deep in my heart and soul, I had to do something about was the cooking facilities.

At the orphanage, much like in all of lower class India, the cooking of food is done in a small room with little to no ventilation. In that small room children, age 9-17, prepare food for 80+ people three times a day. During the day they spend massive amounts of time gathering coconut husks, dried palm leaves, and cow dung to use as fuel for that day's meals. This biofuel, as it is commonly called, is a great resource to them. It is already readily available on the property and is of no monetary cost to them. Little do they realize that burning this biofuel three times a day on their archaic stoves is costing them their lives.

In the first few weeks I was at Joseph Nagar I wanted to be a part of everything, and that included cooking. I would smell something amazing and enter the room with the stove and food only to be hurriedly ushered out by children with red eyes and tears running down their cheeks. They would push me out and yell, "Auntie, Auntie leave! Not nice! Paining! (pointing toward their eyes, mouth, throat, and lungs)" These children were and still are completing the loving act of cooking meals for others while sacrificing their own health and safety. They know it burns their eyes and makes them water. They know it hurts their chests and causes them to cough profusely. Yet they still do it day after day. They have no other option.

The average woman or child, cooking three meals a day on these inefficient stoves, is exposed to the smoke equivalent of smoking two packs of cigarettes a day. Cookstove smoke kills 1 person every 16 seconds - almost half the world's population still cooks food, boils water, and warms their homes by burning wood, animal and agricultural waste, and coal in open fires or rudimentary cookstoves. Daily exposure to the harmful smoke from traditional cooking practices is one of the world's biggest - but least known - killers. In fact, smoke from traditional cookstoves and open fires causes 4 million premature deaths annually with women and young children the most affected. - All research was completed by The Global Alliance for Clean Cookstoves.

I saw this and knew something had to be done.

I started researching a solution to the orphanage's stove issue and came across a few option but I didn't know how to proceed. Luckily I have a boyfriend whose mother, Susan, and step-father, Roberto, are extremely active and knowledgeable about energy conservation and sustainable and renewable alternative options. I turned to them for help and they directed me to a company called Envirofit. Envirofit International is a social enterprise that was established in 2003 to develop well-engineered technology solutions to improve the human condition on a global scale, with a primary emphasis on applications in the developing world. Envirofit has partnered with CSU and The Global Alliance for Clean Cookstoves to create clean technology cookstoves that use 80% less fuel, cut down on cooking time by 50%, and most importantly create 90% less smoke and soot output. Once I saw the facts, looked at the success rate of the company, and read customer reviews I knew I had to set up a meeting with Envirofit and get these stoves for the girls.

I had the pleasure of meeting with the Managing Director of India, Harish, while I was in India. He kindly took Tanner and me on a personal tour of the Envirofit production facility in Aurangabad, Mahrajstra. At that location Envirofit produces the company's single-family household stove, the G-3300 Wood stove and then showed us the first industrial sized clean cookstove the EFI-100L. This is the model needed for the orphanages due to the number of mouths they feed everyday, the girls cook for anywhere from 30 to 95 people three times a day. After talking technology and specs I concluded that this company and more specifically this model was perfect for what the girls needed. We discussed the production (all produced in India or China), distribution (Envirofit would handle all the shipping from door to door), installation (is included in cost and they will also demolish the old stove so the locations do not go back to their old method), and cost of these stoves to all of the Home of Hope orphanages in India.

I am asking each of you to take a moment, go through the links, do some further research, ask me as many questions as you like, and help finance the purchasing, distribution, and installation of approximately twenty stoves to the orphan girls. Each EFI-100L will cost $900 USD. This means I need your help to raise about $20,000 to be able to save these children from a lifetime of smoke inhalation leading to unnecessary premature health issues.

So please send this to anyone you can think of who would like to help. Spread the word to your friends, family, church, school, and to all reaches of your social circles. Every little bit helps whether you can donate $10 or $1000 it is all a step in the right direction.

We are thankfully already halfway ($11,800) to our goal due to the love, faith, and support of Pikeside United Methodist Church in West Virginia, USA, the Chester and Betty Louise Perkins Trust, and the kind support of close family and friends. We have negotiated the original price down from $1200 per stove to $900 and that includes a five year warranty and maintenance. We need a 50% down payment to Envirofit to confirm orders and get the stoves on the ground. I am hoping to be able to give the girls clean lungs and a better cooking environment by the new year. I know that with everyone's love, support, and financial help that this is a realistic goal.

There are three ways to donate:
Option 1: Visit Crowdrise and watch the donations add up to our goal day by day. It is very easy to click through and pay directly to the site which then forwards it on to Homes of Hope India. http://www.crowdrise.com/OneLungataTime/fundraiser/mollygrove

Option 2: Since I am partnering with Homes of Hope India you can donate directly to them via their website. Please make sure to note that your donation is to be used solely for the "HOH Stove Project" with Molly Grove. Homes of Hope India is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization so a donation to them is tax deductible. Once the money has been collected it will be totaled and used solely for the stove project.

Option 3: For those of you who know me you can make checks out to Molly Grove and in the subject write "HOH Stove Project" and mail them to my home address. Once received they will get directly deposited into an account solely dedicated to this project and it can only be used for the purchasing of stoves from Envirofit.

100% of each donation goes directly to the purchasing of the stoves. If we surpass our goal of $20,000 each additional amount will be donated to Homes of Hope which supports and contributes to each of the Salesian Sisters' orphanages in India. The excess money will go toward helping build new schools at the locations, assist in technology and school content upgrades, and rain water tank building (just to name some of the Homes of Hope projects). With each donation you will get a personalized letter from one of the girls, a picture of all the children and the stove, and the personal satisfaction of knowing that you have forever impacted a whole community for generations and generations.

Thank you for all your interest, love, support, and faith. I know that together we can make a lasting change in the world.

Love,
Molly Grove

PayPal account link:http://www.homeofhopeindia.org/donate/
Envirofit link: http://www.envirofit.org/
Global Alliance for Clean Cookstove link: http://www.cleancookstoves.org/
Homes of Hope Link: http://www.homeofhopeindia.org/

To Ft. Kochin with Love,

You are an amazing city. I adore your narrow cobblestone streets and friendly vendors. Your accessibility and culture make me want to wake up with you day after day. You have shown me a glimpse of how amazing city life in India can be. The way you open yourself up to all races, nationalities, and genders impress me. Everyday in your streets made me fall more and more deeply in love with you. Each new day brought out a different part of your personality. One day you showed me the Chinese fishing nets on the waterfront, the next day you introduced me to a delicious new thali and made my taste buds long for more. There was the day you gave me a great honor and allowed me to take part in the Onam festivities. That day I was able to explore your culture through music, food, dance, and multiple beautifully created flower floor murals. The next morning you opened my eyes to the street vendors and their delicious produce. The taste of brinjol, goas, plantains, lady's fingers and coconut ignited my senses and moisten my taste buds. In the evening you took me on an amazing date to witness Kerala's own Kathakali. It began in ancient Hindu rituals and has now evolved into a unique style of performance art that you have to see to understand. You even introduced me to your family. I met hundreds of your children at Prathysha Bhavan and Don Bosco. Each and everyone of your children brightened my day and made me thankful to be alive and well. You showed me what it is like to stay with a loving family. Living at Costa Gamma Homestay for those two weeks was like being home again. It made me feel safe and loved. You ended our time together with an amazing farewell evening. It was perfect! I was able to play basketball with your children at Don Bosco, watch and participate in a special goodbye program, and drive home to Costa Gama only to be welcomed once more by Benson Gama and his family. I left you in the morning and I don't know if we will ever see each other again. But know the two weeks spent with you was magically and I would not trade it for anything in the world.

Love Always,
Molly

Me with the Onam flower mural Tanner and I helped create!

Chinese fishing nets.

Kathakali...and yes it was strange.

And finally my little Kochin home! I love the Gama Family! Everyone visit Costa Gama!

Aurangabad -> Bombay

After an unimpressive and quite hellish last day in Aurangabad, Tanner and I made our way to the travel agency to board our overnight bus to Bombay. On the way there I encountered a drunken man who decided that he wanted what was on my backpack...little did he know how feisty the girl wearing it was. One direct shove to the upper left shoulder and a very forceful yell and stare into his dead eyes and he was shitting his pants. Tanner of course was by my side within a second but as we have been told it is completely appropriate for a foreign woman to hit a man but if a foreign man hits an Indian man no good is to come of it. So Tanner gave him a stern yell and even more deadly look needless to say the man was shocked and didn't follow us.

After getting jostled we managed to find our travel agency and wait for the next 30 minutes until our bus to arrived. For those of you that know me personally you know how car sick I get...now imagine being on a bus for twelve hours, driving down the worst road you know of, being surrounded by blaring horns, and unnecessary harsh braking and stopping. Okay, you have the mental image ready, now think of me in that situation. You can now understand how apprehensive I was to take the bus. However, it was the only option available at such short notice in our price range. The travel agent assured me that I would not get sick on this "air-suspension", "air-conditioned", "deluxe sleeper bus". Yea right dude! I know myself, I have been in India for six months, and I have experienced every horrible form of transportation India has to offer. Including another horrible long 20 hour bus ride from Hassan to Kochin with Jenny and 45 children. All I could think was, "Gezz I hope this bus ride is better."

So the bus pulls up and my stomach immediately starts churning, I get a nervous bladder, my throat and mouth become dry...I want to back out of the trip.

The bus driver takes Tanner's and my luggage and escorts us to the front door of the bus. Tanner is in front of me so I can't see anything but his back. But once he gets through the doorway all my fears fall to the way-side. It was the cleanest and most baller bus I have ever seen.

Let me explain. You walk through the front door and step on to the bus, no different than any other bus. However, a decorated Plexiglas door separates the driver from the rest of the bus. Once you pass through this door the whole atmosphere changes. You are immediately immersed in velvet curtains, single and double beds, carpet, and soft lights. The right hand side of the bus is occupied by single bunk-beds that are lined up head to foot. Turning to the left side you see double beds lined up the same way. Each bed is separated by a compartment and you can pull velvet, or velvet like, curtains together to get complete privacy from the aisle. I can only imagine this is how music tour buses are in the United States.

Tanner and I had seat 7&8. Which luckily turned out to be the top bunk on the left hand side. We hastily climbed up the ladder and made ourselves at home. At the foot of the bed was a luggage rack midway up the wall. Smart. Our feet could happily nest underneath while our belongings were safely kept out of the aisle and secure from the jostling of the trip ahead. Each side of the bed had it's own light, air conditioning vent, and shared a outlet. What world had I stepped into? Current, air conditioning, personal lights, and to top it all off the most comfortable mattress I have yet to sleep on in all of India!

We settled in, propped up our heads on our sleeping bags, plugged in the laptop, turned off the lights, and settled in for the next twelve hours by watching "World War Z" and cuddling.

After the movie ended Tanner was out but I had to "pee like a racehorse", as my dad would say. But the bathroom stop was only for men, it literally was the side of the road, they wouldn't let me off the bus. The next stop was a bus station about twenty minutes down the road. Tanner escorts me out, as it is now midnight or later, and all we find are stalls open to the outside world covered in human excretion. YUCK! Walking in the dark I carefully try to stay on concrete and what I think it dry. However, I slipped and my right foot went an inch deep into what I can only assume is poop mixed with mud. I curse but must move forward to my destination. I find the last stall, it is piled about a foot high with rubbish, but it is the most removed from sight. I suck it up and squat atop the rubbish pile and for the next two minutes straight my bladder releases. Tanner and I rushed back to the bus and I pulled out my face wipes, yes I know they are not for a poopy foot but hey it works, and took off my shoe, wiped my foot, ankle, and toes. Then hopped back onto the bus where I finished by washing my shoe.

Once my bladder was happy I fell fast asleep in the world's most comfortable bus bed.

This morning Tanner was abruptly woken up by a man patting his head saying, "get off, get off". It was 6:30am and we had apparently reached the place where we get off. We sleepily yet hurriedly packed up all of our belongings and got off the bus to our bags already sitting on the side of the road. Immediately there were tuk-tuk drivers surrounding us, asking where we wanted to go, and trying to place our bags in their tuk-tuks. We figured things out, got overcharged by the driver but finally arrived at the train station where I am writing you now.

We have a six hour wait until our train arrives, we are spending it in the "Upper Class" waiting room. I have decided that since class in India is highly based on skin color, the lighter the better here, Tanner and I are technically upper class :/

The next leg of our journey will be a seventeen hour train ride to Jodpher, Rajasthan. There we will hopefully be taking a break from the hustle and bustle of city life and enjoy some downtime in the desert.

That is it for now but wish us luck on the next few legs of the journey!

Yoga Wrap Up

Day 7 Impression: Today was an off day, meaning that we still had Satsung in the morning and evening and there are still yoga classes if you wanted to go. I attended Satsung and morning yoga class, once you get into a rhythm it is difficult to take a break from it and this rhythm I am in is good for my body and soul. After yoga we had an amazing vegetarian brunch and then I showered and got ready for my big day in the city! It turned out to be a soaking wet day in the city but was nonetheless fun. I went with another yogi to her doctor’s appointment then we went to get her a dress and had fresh pineapple juice. We decided that we would like a treat too. Bad idea! We got jackfruit chips and they made both of our stomachs ache. It was a shock to our system after seven days of homemade fresh healthy food. We both couldn’t eat it and felt ill for the rest of the day. After our stop to eat I was ready to get back to the ashram and go back to the daily routine. We made it in time for afternoon yoga and dinner, yet again an amazing “pure veg” dinner, which for those of you who don’t know “veg” and “pure veg” are very different! :) I was exhausted and skipped out on Satsung and slept like a rock.

Day 8 Impression: Today was Swami Sivananda’s birthday we awoke early as usually to an ungodly loud bell and had a morning puja for him. It was my first puja (a religious ritual performed by Hindus as an offering to various deities, distinguished persons, or special guests) it was very educationally and thought provoking. It lasted almost 2 hours and ended in a celebration of Swami Sivananda’s life and teaches. At the end everyone partook in arteya and took a mound full of sweets on a banana leaf. The whole day was dedicated to him and that evening we watched a video about his life. If you would like to learn more here is a brief reading: http://www.sivanandaonline.org/public_html/?cmd=displaysection§ion_id=1645

Day 9 Impression -Today started out like any other day at the ashram but after breakfast I went to check my email and I was approached by Colonel Nair, a guest speaker every Sunday. He was in the Indian Army for 40 some years then decided to leave and become spiritual and begin yoga. He also felt the need to start painting again. http://www.nairsart.com/contact.htm These paintings of his are displayed all over the ashram dining hall, and to say the least they are colorful and have interesting brush strokes. But they are nothing that was moving to me or evoked any emotion on my behalf. So anyway he began to talk to me and sat down and said he felt drawn to me because I was a fellow artist and he could feel that I would appreciate his work. He continued for the next hour or so to talk to me about his inspiration and his process while painting. I know it may sound harsh but I was tired and it was my quite time so I was not in the mood to be bothered. He was very kind at first trying to share interests and he even invited me to his home, but there was some strange feeling that I couldn't put my finger on during the conversation. A few minutes later when he was trying to sell me his paintings and pushing me to come to his house to see them I realized that yes he may a kind interesting gentleman but he was just trying to make money off another tourist...sad. Anyway later I found out that he did this to everyone else at the ashram so I didn't feel to bad about saying no and not going.

Day 10 Impression: So today I just felt an overwhelming urge to leave the ashram. It is full of amazing, loving and intelligent people but I don’t feel at home. Some people have been here for months or years and I have realized that even if I am in a completely different country than my loved ones I could never be this removed from them. I also have noticed more than usual my need for physical affection. At the orphanage I was surrounded by 90 girls who gave me multiple hugs and kisses everyday. Then I was able to spend two weeks with Tanner and then to be removed from all physical contact has been really hard for me. I need hugs in my life and I have realized that I personally can be surrounded by loving people in a supportive and loving environment but if I don’t have hugs I get really sad and lonely. So today I focused my meditation time on those people I love and sent them positive thoughts and virtual hugs and it made me feel a bit better but I am glad that my two weeks is almost done and I will get a big hug from the man I love soon!

After day 10 I stopped writing to focus on me. It was a nice ending to the ashram experience and I will post some lovely pictures soon and an overall rating (spoiler alert it is two thumbs up kind of place) as soon as I get a chance. http://www.sivananda.org/neyyardam/contact.html In the meantime please stay tuned for an exciting post about my last week in Ft. Kochi and my business meeting with Envirofit!

The Week of Firsts

The week of firsts! This week has been amazing I have been able to experience some of the many wonders of Indian culture. I bought my first sari, took walks with the girls to a new village, took part in the Independence Day activities, got my first henna tattoo by a villager, made hundreds of balloon animals, I traveled for 20+ hours by public transport straight, I attended my first Indian wedding and I played basketball with teenage Indian boys and lost my big toenail in turn.

So here is my week of firsts in pictures! ENJOY!

Sivananda Yoga - The Next Two Weeks

After a crazy past few months focusing my energy on other people I have decided to take the next two weeks and focus “souly” on myself. I am currently at Sivananda Yoga Vedanta Dhanwanthari Ashram in Trirvananthapuram, Kerala. My personal goal is to learn how to relax, gain strength in my bad leg, learn to be still, and possibly explore the option of me teaching children yoga in the future. The schedule here is pretty rigid:

5:20am - Wake up bell
6:00am - Satsang (Group Meditation, Chanting, Talk)
7:30am - Tea Time
8:00am - Asana Class (I’m in the beginner class)
10:00am - First meal of the day (Vegetarian)
11:00am - Karma Yoga (or chores)
12:30pm - Optional Coaching Class
1:30pm - Tea Time with fruit
2:00pm - Lecture
3:30pm - Asana Class
6:00pm - Second Meal (Vegetarian
8:00pm - Satsang
10:30pm - Lights out

My impression on Day 1: It is very quite and peaceful, the meals are simple but good, the dorms are clean, the beds are hard, the showers are cold, it hurts immensely to sit cross-legged that long. Day 1 I just checked in, showered, had dinner and attended Satsang - not much to get an impression on.

Day 2 Impression: Wow I have learned to sleep through bells (not good), and 5:20am is too early! However, today our Satsang was a silent meditative walk. It took us about thirty to forty minutes to reach the Trivandrum Dam and holding lake. We arrived just as the sun rose and chanted for a bit, then sat in silence and appreciated the view and sounds. It was breathtakingly beautiful. By the time we got back I was hungry and sweaty but extremely happy! We had tea and then it was time for the first yoga class (and later in the day I learned that there are actually four types of yoga and this part is just the physical aspect). In class we focused mainly on proper breathing -apparently we all do it wrong! lol After learning the proper breathing technique (breath from your stomach first not your chest, your chest follows after your breath has expanded all of your stomach). Then we began to learn the sun salutation. Of course I thought I already knew this and thought it would be boring and easy. I was wrong. Here they practice Hatha Yoga and the sun salutation is different from what I have been taught. So two hours, many breathes, chanting, sitting in pain and a wandering mind later class was over. Breakfast time! Yum, the same stuff I have been having my whole time in India but after no food for over 15 hours my body was yearning for it. We eat in silence to better focus ourselves and appreciate the food. Apparently it also aids in digestion.

Next was Karma Yoga and I was assigned to do after dinner clean up. Not too shabby.

The coaching class the second day was on what yoga is and the different types and forms. It was nice but extremely boring and the man who lectured was quite bland. Plus everywhere we go we sit on the floor in “a comfortable cross-legged position” yea right. After the injury I had there is no way that sitting cross-legged on a hard concrete floor for an hour or more is comfortable. They say I will get used to it after day 3...it is day 3 and still not used to it!

Anyway tea and another physical yoga class. This class was the same as the morning. They want us to have perfect postures and breathing before we get into anything too crazy...I agree. Yet again I was starving and ready for dinner. My third meal here and I quite enjoy eating in silence. I feel like I taste the food more and do not overeat or under eat. After dinner I had enough time to have a cold shower - ekkk - and then off to sit on the floor for another hour and a half. UHH.

Satsang at night focuses on meditation and chanting and then a brief lecture or quote and explanation of the teachings. I am really tired at this point and almost drift off to sleep but am awoken by “Aum”.

Straight to bed, a bit of journaling and I slept like a rock.

Day 3 Impression: I am still not getting used to waking up in the 5:00am hour but I have some time to get used to it. Sitting still hurts but the meditation is getting better. Instead of focusing on quitting my thoughts and being still I decided to do something that felt right to me so I took my beaded bracelet that Tara gave me and used it sort of like Rosary beads. I went through each bead and sent out a positive thought to someone I loved and then spent the rest of the time focusing on a few people in my life I thought needed some extra positive thoughts. It got me through the meditation and I talked to one of the people I sent thought to and it worked. She had a good day!

That is it for now but I will give you more updates as I have access to the internet in the meantime - Om Santhi Santhi Santhi

Reflections

I remember it like it was yesterday, even though four months and five days is not that long ago, arriving in India. I was terrified, excited, nervous and free. I took a two day journey from the United States, stopped over in Germany and then headed down to Southern India. It was here that I would start to find myself while helping others learn about the world and in turn help them find their place in it.

Today is a day of reflection for me. Not only because I have 20 hours of travel, but also because it was my last day in Joseph Nagar, the place I have called home since April.

My first day in Joseph Nagar actually started off in a slightly bigger town 45 minutes away where a teeny-tiny, white-haired, nun who donned coke bottle glasses picked me up. She seemed stern and experienced but I could tell there was something under that gruff exterior that I would love. She ushered the other volunteer and me home with little conversation, making me that much more nervous. I had no idea what to expect and the silence carried the weight of thousands of questions that my mind was trolling over. But teeny-tiny nun did not crack.

After what seemed like an endless ride down horrendous roads, and I am being kind, we arrived at a small gated property. The jeep rolled to a stop in front of 50 some odd girls all holding flowers and four nuns scattered amongst the children. As soon as the doors of the car opened little hands started grabbing, little eyes glistened with curiosity, little lips were parted to reveal little teeth who wanted to show us how happy they were to have us. Then the little lips started singing a very big and boisterous song. Looking back on it now I cannot remember one word of the song but I could feel the warmth, joy and pure unconditional love that was powering it. That first day, just like this last day - I cried.

That first day I was so overwhelmed. So many children and all vying for my attention and affection. I was in a completely new country, in a completely new town, with completely new people and a drastically different culture. I thought I had done enough research to feel comfortable immersing myself into Indian life with numerous abandoned or neglected girls. Boy was I wrong. It is such a strange and incomprehensible feeling being surrounded by people trying to talk to you and you to them and neither side understanding. Especially when they are so adorable and they are trying so hard and nothing is getting through to me besides their beaming smiles.

That day I remember walking back up to my room, 30 or more curious children trailing behind, closing the door and thinking, “Holy crap! What did I get myself into? I cannot handle all of this. Who am I to think I can influence these kids? Why did I not learn their language before I came? Why did I worry about what to wear when these kids have three outfits? Why does the world chose certain people to be born into a privileged live and others to be born into a life of desperation and pain?” I had a mild panic attack that day and then again today when I realized that I was truly leaving 82 of the most amazing girls I have ever met. Ever.

Over the past four months I have learned the answers to all of my questions on the freaked out day and I have been educated in ways that even schooling at the most prestigious universities can’t teach you. For that I am grateful.

These children have taught me more about love and pain, kindness and tragedy, appreciation and greediness, and education and learning than I could have ever fathomed. For every wonderful and positive thing I am writing about there is also a horrible one (which I will not write about because it is in their past and they, as we all should, are moving forward). But in most situations, as only a child can do, the children have prevailed and still have the ability to love unconditionally.

This ability to love after all the pain and suffering they have been through makes me respect and cherish them even more. I will miss every single child, but leaving has shown me that - yes my favorite children, the ones I spent the most time with were impacted by my time here, but the ones that rarely spoke and never really directly interacted with me were, I dare say, even more impacted. They were the ones who were crying, writing me farewell notes, asking me not to leave and telling me how much they loved me. It touched my heart and made me feel so honored to have had the opportunity to meet each of them. Sometimes your actions do not get rewarded immediately, sometimes they never get rewarded, and sometimes you get rewarded in ways that you could have never imagined at times when it is the last thing on your mind. Coming here I thought that I would have the most impact on them but in all truthfulness it is them who have impacted and educated me. These last few days have been extremely rewarding and I wish I could convey to you just how my heart feels right now.

It is just numb, numb because I don’t want to let the sorrow of leaving them overpower the love, joy and happiness I have for them. It is just floating, suspended, being pulled by opposite emotions. I suppressed my sadness in front of the children, only letting them see a few tears fall, because I wanted them to be happy that I was able to be with them and remember that. Not to be sad that I was leaving and yet again feel like someone who is supposed to love them is just getting all their hopes up and then crushing them by leaving them alone again.

It is a conversation I have had with the other two volunteers I was able to work with. Is coming and volunteering with the girls for a short period worth perpetuating and confirming their negative experiences of being abandoned by those people who are supposed to love them?

I still can’t answer this question and probably never will be able. But I do know that I will always love them, think of them, email them and write them. I will also see them one more time before I depart India. And that makes me happy.

Amazing August!

After a rough few weeks here in India the past few days have been a breathe of fresh air. A dark gloomy cloud has lifted from the boarding house and things are returning to their happy, positive, and stress-free ways.

This week has been amazing. It included: singing practice, long walks with the girls, teaching them a new exercise routine, four teeny tiny puppies, the buying of saris, making almost 100 balloon animals for the kids, watching them engage and light up when learning about the Moon and to top it off the other volunteer Katy gave each girl a super soft and fuzzy teddy bear. My smile can hardly fit on my face!



I am leaving this location in seven days and it is nice to end my time here the same way it started...with a gaggle of girls who are beautiful, smiling and happy. I rarely get to spend unscheduled, fun and carefree time with the older girls, 8th - 10th Standards. (I teach at the primary school K-7th Standard.) The time we do spend together is basically spent with me directing them or trying to get them to hurry up. Hurry up for exercise, hurry up for breakfast, hurry up for school, hurry change your dress for mass, hurry sit down for goodnight, hurry go to study hall before bed and finally I walk to my room and pass them with a, “Goodnight girls, sweet dreams.” Now wonder some of them haven’t really opened up to me. They never get to spend time with me, some of them are bitter that all the young kids get our attention, some don’t care and other just can’t open up to someone who they don’t know and trust.

For the first two months I was here I was “play Auntie”. It was their big holiday break and whatever we did was just fun. We had no real locked-in schedule. That is a stark contrast to how life is now; to have them adapt to the change and my role changing to “helping and hurry Auntie” was not realistic. So I have made a huge effort as of late to spend more quality time with the older girls. Sit with them at dinner just to talk, ask them specifically how their day was, give them hugs and attention and now take a group of them on a 30 minute walk a day.

A 30 minute walk a day may not seem like much to you or to a child in the United States. But to an abandoned young girl who is basically confined to two buildings and one acre of land - it is monumental.

To them this walk is the highlight of their day. Each day after school I have a line of children begging me to take them on the walk today. These children, whether young or old, are not allowed to leave the orphanage’s property unless they are walking to school or sent out specifically by a Sister. There is even a path directly from our house to the chapel so they do not have to go outside the fence. So for them to be able to go explore for 30 minutes is the most freedom these girls ever see.

Not only do the girls look forward to the walks but Auntie Molly also does. It is really refreshing only to have to split your attention and time between four girls instead of 85. Some days the orphanage and all the girls is just too overwhelming. But I get the luxury of having - a room to myself - with a door. The girls do not.
They share everything. They share their time, belongings and space with 84 girls, 4 Sisters and 2 Aunties. They share their clothes, hairbrushes, pencils, hair clips, shoes, book bags and even beds with one another. They never are alone and it must be hard and exhausting. These girls wake up everyday at 5:30am and go to bed well after 10:00pm every night. They do not get a nap, they do not get to sit on the couch after school (as if we had couches), they get no break. And yet they do not complain about their schedule or chores they just accept it. So to have the power to take them away from the chaos and give them space, quite and one-on-one time is amazing.

This one-on-one time is eye-opening. I am getting to know more and more about them and it makes me love them more. Some of the girls are really talkative on the walks, other are just in awe of their surrounds and a select few completely ignore the Aunties and pretend that it is just them on the walk. Each situation is completely fine with me. You know why? Because these kids follow a ridiculous schedule, have no choices, no voice, and in general no time to just be by themselves.

To take a break from the craziness and just breath fresh air for a few minutes a day is the most solace they get and I respect that they just need to be by themselves during those 30 minutes. I just love being in their presence. They are still surprising me and amazing me ever day.

For instance, today on our walk one of my favorite girls, Margaret, said to me, “Auntie when you leave you do not give me any one gift, I give my heart and you also give me you heart. That is it. I happy with that one gift.”

Now tell me that does not move you.

She, a child who has not seen her mother since she was dropped off here six years ago, can see the true meaning of love and what is important in life. Not material gifts, even though the girls love them too, but extending your heart and knowing that that gesture means more than anything. I will miss her and her view and love of the world.

An Indian Train Ride

After about half a dozen train rides in India I am finally getting around to writing a post about the magic that happens during this experience. As with all things in India, the train rides are a shock to the senses. However, here it is a pleasant shock. Your senses get flooded with beautiful language, attire, scenes, smells and foods.

Today I am taking the Kawr Ysr EXPRESS 16515 to Mangalore to meet up with Tanner. I have been on this same train ride once before. But then it was May. It was dry. It was hot. It was extremely brown. Not to say that it wasn’t beautiful in its own right, it just had nothing on today’s ride. On that train in May I sat in coach, the train broke down and men wouldn’t stop staring at me. We rode through the mountains of Karnataka toward the sweeping coastline of Western India. The changes in landscape were breathtaking and I vowed to take the same train ride once the monsoon season hit. So here I am today.

After a few not so lovely train experiences, I have come to know that there is a ladies only carriage. This section of the train is reserved for women and children only. The luggage compartment completely separates it from the rest of the train; meaning no one can walk through and disturb you. For a “single female traveler”, as I am so often called by other Indian women, this is the safest and smartest choice. Here no one stares at me, no one touches me or my belongings - it is just a place where women seek out solace on a long journey. The women here are curious and friendly. Every time I have traveled in the women’s carriage I always end up with snacks and someone’s baby on my lap. It is heaven. Some days it is packed so tightly with women and children that people sleep on the luggage racks and women stand for hours on end. However, today is not one of those days. Today is perfect.

There are only seven women in the carriage and two children (by the time I finished writing only two women and I were occupying the carriage). We each have room to lay down, stretch out our feet or even pull out our laptop and blog.

Now, on the train, looking out into the world, I want to share this with everyone - so I will type. I will my words to transform into pictures for you to see, sounds for you to hear and sents to envelop your nostrils.

To say that what I see is breathtaking would be an understatement. When I open my eyes and gaze out the rod-iron window all I can see for miles and miles is a moist lush green that stimulates your eyes in a way that you want to create a new word for green. Green seems so ordinary for the shades, textures and shapes of the color I see. It is almost as if an emerald light was cast down over all of the plant life and each one consumed it and is now illuminated by the colorful brilliance. There are ferns shades of lime, rice paddies shades of vermillion and hundreds of thousands of leaves that have interpreted the color with their own unique personality and now glow with a unique brilliance. Each leaf, stem and vine are glistening with the iridescent raindrops from an earlier storm. The forest looks alive with the train passing in the reflections of the water drops.

Where before there were canyons and river beds dried up like a mason’s hands - now is gushing water widening the passage, forceful in its downward journey to the sea. The rhythmic clinking sound of the train over the tracks is interrupted frequently with the cascading sound of rushing water over boulders. The water slaps the rock hard at the top, hugs it, using it for guidance as it caresses the sides and then releases urgently at the bottom. This sound is echoed over and over as the rocks jut in and out of the water. The train snakes in and under the mountains, giving you a sneak peek of what magic lies hidden in the mountainside. If it wasn’t for the rails this part of India may never have been experienced.

The rushing water and glistening leaves are just the appetizer to this sensory meal. The sounds and smells are what really excites.

In a place where there are over 100 nationally recognized languages the train is an auditory delight. I can now recognize when someone is speaking about me and I can follow some Kanada conversations. However, when you are on an Indian train your ears are overloaded with new words, expressions, pitches and sounds so much that you just don’t know what is going on. It is never quite but you come to appreciate the train and its noises. The noise is chaos and you are so intrigued by everything it is never bothersome. Aside from the myriad of languages you hear crying babies, snoring passengers, laughing families, faces being slapped, creaking (all modes of Indian transportation thus far creak), and so much more. There are always touts (vendors) in and out of the aisles trying to sell you coffee, newspapers, tea, flowers, snacks and everything else under the sun. It is delightful in its abundance and variety. Whatever you what you can almost always find it on an Indian train and you can hear it being offered to you before you ever see it.

Your sight and hearing are always alert and full of sensations to process, but so is your nose. The smell of India can be describe in a variety of ways, but most always includes urine. The train is no different. There is a ensuite bathroom for every carriage and yes it reeks. If you haven’t ever been introduced to the squatty potty, thank someone. Now imagine --- you are on a train, it is roaring over the tracks, passing through a beautiful mountainous forest - you go into the bathroom to find... a hole in the floor. That is it. Just a nice round hole in the floor, you can see the ground rushing past through this hole. That is the only option to relieve yourself, over a hole big enough to lose your leg in. Scary and exhilarating. That my fine friends is Indian toilet (another story to follow on the girls’ understanding of how we use the bathroom).

So there is the overpowering smell of urine, but like all things you get used to it over time (gross but true). Then there is the amazing, intoxicating smell of jasmine. When Indian women travel they often wear their best clothes, fine gold jewelry and adorn their hair with flowers. Not just any flowers either. The most beautiful white and orange jasmine flowers. They are strung together along a fine piece of string and then tied to the braid, cascading down the back complimenting the colorful sari. Beautiful. That smell alone would be enough to write a whole blog on but there are even more smells my words need to describe.

FOOD! Indian food is delicious and you can smell it from miles away. It opens up your sinuses, makes your mouth water and awakens a new part of your brain. If there is one thing that is more plentiful than Indian people it is Indian food. It is everywhere! On the trains families prepare food before leaving the house and those single travelers who don’t have someone to prepare food for them are tempted at every stop with sweet chai, deep fried dough, colored rice, biryani, sweets and savory breads. Everyone opens their food as they please, eating with their right hand, only stopping when the last morsel is carefully scooped from the container and deposited into a mouth. Whether the food is homemade or from a stall or tout it comes in a variety of colors, shapes, sizes and of course smells. The mixing of smells is perplexing. You can think you have pinpointed what smell is coming from what tin and then WHAM another smell hits your nose and confuses your brain. But you just breath deep and take it all in and await the next wave of smells. They are so intoxicating that sometimes you get a headache from trying to decipher what is what. But then you take a depth breath... and realize it doesn’t matter. You let yourself fall and submit yourself to everything that is going on around you. You make an effort to notice and appreciate all the sights, noises and smells but don’t strain because you have finally realized that half the fun of being on a train in India is letting go.

April 11th 2013

Upon landing in Bangalore I still wasn’t nervous. I think all these little signs made me feel like everything was going to be okay.

Once I made it off the plane and had to go through customs that is when I started to get nervous.I realized I didn’t have the address to where I was going to be staying. Really Molly! But luckily I have a very prepared and concerned dad to printed off my itinerary, addresses, and phone numbers for me and packed them in every bag I took. Love him. So with that down I head to the official. While he quizzed me on where I was going and what I was going to be doing he informed me once again that I can’t stay in the country for more than 180 days. I got that notice India, thank you very much.

I proceeded to pick up my luggage, no problem with that minus it weighs as much as a baby elephant. I then condensed my bags to three instead of four. I felt like a crazy lady with so many bags, and they are hard to keep track of. I then settled down in the waiting area because the girl I am meeting here doesn’t get in until 5 hours after I do.

So here I am starting my first blog while in India and I can say so far so good. I called home and mom didn’t answer so I left a message. I tried to get on the internet with no luck (that is my biggest regret so far, not bringing a cell phone), apparently you have to have a cell phone to use the internet here. They send you an access code and then you enter it into your computer. Well since that wasn’t an option I asked the help desk if there was anything I could do to get internet and they said no, you have to have a cell phone. But then again as my luck/karma/good juijui has it the information desk offered to let me use their internet. I logged onto gmail emailed Mom and Dad, Tanner, Tara and Amelia that I made it safely. I thought they would be able to spread the good word that I made it!

So now I sit and wait until Jenny gets here and then it is off for a long ride to the orphanage. Did I tell you we are getting the VIP treatment and the sisters are coming to pick us up personally? How awesome. Updates with pictures soon...love you.

4.11.13 - evening

So without the internet and no real purpose yet, I have a lot of spare time. I wrote letters to a few friends from home, wrote in my journal, and now blogging for the masses. The ride from the airport to the Provincial House in Bangalore was not too long, maybe 45 minutes. It is a little gated community off the main road. One of the sisters picked Jenny and I up at the airport with a driver, he loaded our bags and then we were off. The legend of Indian driving is true - I don’t think I will ever drive in India. There are too many people, too little road space, and no one follows the road signs. However, the honking, which at first I thought to be a mean thing, is actually a kindness giving to the people sharing the road letting them know “hey I am passing” or “there is a speed bump ahead” or my favorite “you have sidewalks but are walking in the road, I am coming up behind you, so please be aware.”

Anyway, after the trip we arrive at the house and it is very quaint, peaceful and just beautiful. It reminded me of the Domican Republic with the open architecture and the flora and fauna strewn about the property. The sisters fed us and then sent us to bed. I meant to only sleep an hour or two but 5 hours later I woke up. The sisters fed us again and we wondered about the property, took a few pictures and retired to the room to write. I did experience my first bug bites, two on my ankles right at sunset...damn my tasty skin. Until tomorrow <3 Molly

April 8th 2013

Yesterday I spent my last day in the US with all my loved ones. It was perfect - breakfast with the family, pedicures, longest shower ever, a nap, and then off to the airport. I was running about 30 minutes late so goodbyes were quick. We all welled up but no tears were shed. I grabbed all my bags - 2 checked (one for the girls, one for me), and my camel-back and a small book bag. (I really wanted to only have one carry on but damn the last minute items...they got the best of me).I went to check in, the line was long, the computers were broken - started off awesome. But then there was a shift in what I thought would be a day of bad timing and luck. All of my nerves from the day were calmed with one little thing...I checked in, put tags on my bags, and then it was time to weigh them. Well I thought the limit was 70lbs, wrong, way way wrong. 50lbs is the limit. Well I packed the girls bag to the absolute limit 70.5 lbs and my pack was full which ended up being 45lbs. The airline attendant asked me to weigh my bags, we weighed the girls bag first - the lady say the weight and just “wow”. We need someone to come and specially check it, and that it would cost. Crap!

Well I was explaining it to her that the really heavy bag was for the girls and that they don’t really get much so I tried to bring them everything I could. She went to the computer to finish checking me out and said well you will still have to pay. Crap again. I then asked her how much the bags would cost. She turned to me and said, “Well you are done and they didn't ask for payment. Someone must be watching over your trip.” And with those two words all my worries melted away.

I went through security with Tanner (he switched his flight back to Denver so he could walk me to the gate), got a sandwich for the flight, said our goodbyes, boarded the plane, was surprised when I had two seats to myself :) I slept for a majority of the flight because I found out there was no wifi - damn United flights! I reached Germany in just enough time to board my flight to Bangalore. This flight still didn't have wifi but it wasn't full so I had a full three seats to myself which allowed for some major sleeping.

June 2013 - Back on Track

I know I have been neglecting my blog and instead focusing on individual emails and messages to friends and family members. But major things have been happening this month and I want to share them with the world. I now vow to post at least one blog a month. So to update all of those readers who do not know what is going on - I quit my job in Colorado in April, sold most of my belongings and moved to India. I am working at a boarding house in Joseph Nagar which is 5 hours outside of Bangalore. Here I am living on site, teaching English and Math at the local primary school, teaching exercise to the children and doing whatever is needed of me. The first two months were overwhelming and crazy and it took me a long time to find my place in this community of 80 children, four Sisters, four teachers, one Uncle and a village (or Nagar) of about 65 families. In those first two months I successfully taught the girls conversational English, how to swim, American exercise and yoga, introduced them to painting and Play doh, finished two murals, taught them about littering, puberty, hitting, lice, properly bathing, American love marriages, how to make balloon animals and multiple other daily differences in our cultures. In turn they taught me how to pick mangoes, care for rabbits, play cricket, take a shower in a bucket, eat rice with my hands, quite 80 children, sing in Kananda, dance to traditional and pop Indian music and finally how to love when you have nothing at all.

Those first two months are now a blur, when in the moment I wonder how I was ever going to make it through the next 10 minutes. There was a lot of frustration, yelling, crying (them and me),scolding and hugging. The climate went from me sweating through two shirts a day, to me wearing long pants and long sleeves everyday. The demeanor of the children has changed dramatically and continues to change daily as their ages range from five to nineteen. Their are children who love, those who cry all day, those who just crave attention and those that don’t think they are worth anyone's time. Between all of those children, all of those emotions and all of those differences I have to find times to share myself, my experiences and my love with each and everyone of them. It is exhausting but every night I go to bed knowing that what I did that day mattered. That even if I just touched one little heart or sparked one little mind that that just that was enough.

At the end of the second month I left for a week to see the other volunteer, Jenny, off and at first I though that week away would be heaven. However, after only a few hours on the train Jenny and I both missed the girls, we wanted to know what they were doing, how they were feeling and we just wanted to hug them. After a few days Jenny and I both had no idea what to do with our time, I felt bored and useless. Coming back to the girls was amazing. The pure love I felt upon arrival was one of the best feelings I have ever had. Each day I stay I realize that it makes it that much more difficult to leave. But I know that when it is my time to leave everything will line up, as it always has, and something else amazing will be waiting on me. Until that day happens keep turn to more frequent blog posts!

Conversations with Nuns about Sex 5.16.13

So little by little the Nuns are opening up to us about different topics.Tonight at dinner we were discussing children and how they bring light and life into a home.That prompted multiple more conversations a few of which I will tell you about.The immediately began to talk about how children are blessed by God and are pure and innocent when they are born and are corrupted as they grow up.This was very intriguing to me, as I believe everyone is good at heart.From that
comment they began talking about Santo, Uncle Perrier’s son - who is the cutest child ever.Which prompted me to ask when his wife is due to have their next child. Which led to me asking if they find out the gender of the baby before it is born.

So Sister Anna said that they typically don’t find out the gender of the child before they are born because some families will abort the baby if it is a girl. So I asked her if abortions are legal here and she said that it is legal with the state but not with the church. The Sisters then asked Jenny and I if they are legal or illegal in the States. (This discussion about abortion went on for a while and I brought up the fact that I read in one of the magazines here that you can abort a child in India up to 30weeks. Which is ridiculous, that baby is so old and is almost fully developed.) Anyway, the abortion conversation led to a fertility conversation. Apparently one of the towns’ women has been married for 8 years and her and her husband have yet to have a child. She has two uteri and one is big, but can’t house a baby. The other is small and can but is too small to actually fit a baby. So this lady had surgery to fix her smaller uterus but there still hasn't been a child. Sister Mary said that the lady was tired of having sex and just wanted God to bless her family with a baby. Her and her husband are now looking into fertility options. Taking his sperm and matching it with her eggs. Sister Anna said that it was against the church to do so and Sister Mary rebutted. They discussed in Kanada for a while before they basically agreed and said it depends. Then they asked us if it was safe and if people in our countries did such things. It was very interesting to hear why the family wanted a baby so badly. We are here working at an orphanage where dozens of children need homes and this family wants a baby so badly that they are willing to have a medical procedure, which does not guarantee a baby, but won’t adopt. The Sisters informed us that in their culture not only do babies make the parents happy but also make the community, families and Church happy. If there is a marriage with no baby everyone assumes something is wrong and that the marriage isn't successful. This assumption causes pressure which in turn actually does create problems in the marriage. The families then arent happy with the arrangement and things can turn ugly.

All in all it was a great cultural converstation that was very educational. I also was able to hear Nuns say the words - sperm, sex, menstration and then go on to say “You know she was just tired of doing it with her husband” “If you don’t want another baby then you should learn to control yourself” “It is his sperm going into her body”. All of which made me chuckle inside and end my crappy day with a smile.

I am starting to feel like the Sisters are my family and I am greatly enjoying being here. If only
Tanner could join my world would be so happy. So here’s to wishing.

Humbling Experience

Today was a very humbling experience. I had just finished Skyping with my boyfriend, crying, complaining, and telling him about what has been going on. Basically being here and this experience wasn't what I had in mind. A very selfish way of looking at things.

As soon as I went back to the girls I was reminded of why I am here. They just need someone to love them, someone to pay attention to them and someone to care. The next four hours I spent with the girls was amazing. I played ball with them, they taught me how to dance, showed me their version of exercise and painted my nails for me. Just seeing the curiosity in their faces was priceless. They don't see a lot of Caucasian people so they love touching my skin and seeing the flesh turn from pink to white to pink again. They are intrigued by my freckles (which they call pimples) and count them comparing shape and size. They don't understand sunglasses (I told them my light blue eyes can't handle the sun) so they take them and inspect them before handing them back because they think my eyes are in pain. They also come up to me and say, "Yous got the fat", nothing like honest children and their half-broken English. They never cease to amaze me. They are so great at some English and horrible at others. I have now deducted that it is from their way of learning. They learn through memorization not comprehension. They are programmed like little robots, if something is asked in a different way they do not know how to answer. It is probably the most frustrating thing. I know how smart they are and we try to communicate but sometimes words just fail. That is when we sing, dance or play.

Anyway, I am getting away from my point of this post, being humbled. So today was Sunday and the girls have prayed at least three times by 6:00pm. They take me by the hand and lead me upstairs and all sit in a circle. In my head I am thinking, "hmm we can't be praying again, what are we going to do?" Well, it was more praying. Sidenote: Yesterday I sat in on my first Rosary ceremony and I found that since I didn't understand the words, the beat and rhythm spoke to me and I was very comforted by the chanting. So today wasn't any different. I was comforted by the rhythm and found myself trying to understand what they were saying. So after the prayer I asked one of the girls what a certain section meant. She didn't understand me and she just said, "prayer". I said, "for what?" To that she responded with what humbled me most, "Molly Auntie, we pray for people who don't have, don't have house, don't have food, don't have family. We pray for them and that God blesses them." It pulled at all my heartstrings and really made me thankful. If these girls who don't have families, don't have a home of their own and all of their belongings can fit into a small book bag are praying for other, why was I upset and complaining about me not being about to help. I was/am very selfish and this, being here, no matter how different than I thought it was going to be, is enough. These girls don't want for anything, they have food to eat, a bed to sleep in, a God to worship, and Sisters that love them. I should be just, if not more, grateful.

This only on day four.

Packing - Too much stuff, too little space

So I have done so much research on proper packing. There are many schools of thought but there are no real packing lists for "I am living in an orphanage, I don't know how long, might backpack, and don't really know what I will be doing." So today will be the very first packing lists for just that. I know, I know this list will totally rival those minimalist "I carry a 30 liter pack for my entire 5 years of traveling" lists. It will be the list to end all lists, watch out blogging world you are about to be rocked by "Molly's 2 bags packing list".

So for those of you who don't already know, I am going to be living with sweet, adorable 6-16 year old girls in an orphanage in Hassan and probably traveling and backpacking while there. So I have decided to try the minimalist way - one bag for me, one bag for the girls. To you it may not sound minimalist, but for me it was a terrifying, heart-wrenching, and overwhelming experience. My friend Rachel was kind enough to lend me her 65 liter pack and then I have a large rolling duffle for the girls. So here it goes...

Duffle for the girls:
30 coloring books
30 boxes of crayons
36 jars of Playdoh (compliments of Amelia)
10 packs of underwear
3 bags of hair accessories
12 tubes of toothpaste
3 toothbrush holders
10 sharpies
2 mirrors
3 brushes
3 combs
24 pieces of fancy soap (donated by LUSH in Georgetown)
7 bars of luxury soap
1 beach ball
1 frisbee
1 book of 365days of Fairytales
1 2013 Gospel book
3 headbands
Nail polish
lip stick
3 sticker books
batteries
nail files
eye shadow
2 decks of cards
1 set of flashcards
1 game of life

Backpack for me:
Clothes - 10 pairs of underwear
1 bathing suit/ 2 bikinis
4 sports bras
3 real bras
4 pairs of socks
1 pair of pjs
1 pair of athletic shorts
2 pairs of leggings
2 work out capris
1 scrub pant
1 pair of yoga pants
1 long sleeve top
1 pull over
4 t-shirts
2 athletic shirts
2 dresses
4 tank tops
1 moo-moo (it looks Indian so I bought it, we will see if I wear it)
1 pair of harram pants
1 Columbia fleece
hiking boots/trail runners/flip flops/sandals


more to come tomorrow when I finish packing toiletries and electronics

A Denver Goodbye

Hugs, Tears, Drinks, Amazingness. Last Friday was my going away party in Denver. It was, for lack of a better word, extraordinary. I had invited a few friends on Facebook and told my co-workers. I expected about 15 people to show up and that was me thinking positively. Forty-three, forty-three people showed up to see me off, wish me well, tell me just how much I meant to them. - Amazingness

In my past post I was explaining to you that I have some supportive people in my life but not a lot of unconditionally supportive people - on Friday I was overwhelmed with the amount of pure, unadulterated love and support.

It was a much needed surprise. I knew people were supportive but they were also scared, worried and doubtful for me. Which is completely understandable. However, on Friday not one person was questioning my decision to leave. On the contrary, they were over-the-moon with excitement for me. I felt their love and support and floated through the night without a doubt in my mind that what I was doing was the right thing. Not only for me but for my friends. They were jealous, proud and living vicariously through me.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone in Denver. Thank you for showing me the most marvelous time. Thank you for helping me through one of the roughest times in my life. Thank you for introducing me to true life-long friends. Thank you providing me with an outlet for my shenanigans. Thank you for everything...I will see you again one day.

This is not good-bye: this is I will see you soon ~ Molly





The hostess with the mostess - Tara / The best of friends - Jackie

20 days and anxiety is setting in...

So it is exactly 20 days until I leave the country and 13 days until I leave Denver. As my typical pre-planning, OCD, overly-organized self I optimistically thought I had everything worked out. FALSE...with only a few days until I am supposed to leave for India everything starts to go haywire. My subletter cancels on me (leaving me with $985 in rent per month), my insurance won't cover my malaria medication (correction, they will give me one month at a time, what good will that do me halfway across the world), my dad is not talking to me (because he is mad at me and worried for my safety), and I now have sporadic anxiety attacks...awesome.


I guess everything was falling into place too perfectly if there was such a thing. You know the feeling: it's just like that relationship you've been in where everything is going swimmingly and you start to think to yourself that there has to be something wrong with the person you are dating - ie they are still with an ex, they have 8 children you don't know about, or even worse they are on the lamb for murder...(okay I have gotten carried away with myself but you know the feeling). Well that is exactly how I felt about India. So let's see...before I even found out I was going I a. became a vegetarian (just to see what it was like), b. did spring cleaning in December (because I felt like my apartment was closing in on me), c. my bike was stolen (I don't own a car so you can see my frustration). But once I found out I was leaving, it all made sense. I was supposed to get my belly ready for India, I needed to start getting rid of items that would be of no use to me in India, and I didn't need transportation because I was meant to go to India. They may seem like small signs to you but to me I knew Fate had a bigger plan in mind. So after all those and many other weird and highly questionable things falling into place something had to go wrong.


So now, 20 days until I leave I need to put on my game-face and get things straighten out. I have a plan for it all, minus the anxiety attacks but I feel like those are to be expected and will go away once everything else gets straightened out. In addition to my plan I feel like I need to start listening to myself more and others less. It is not that I am surrounded by negative, doubtful, or discouraging people, but they are voicing their concerns more than their support. I really do understand and value their concerns but at this point I need advice, help, and support. I can honestly say there are maybe 3 people in my life right now that truly believe in and support me.


After talking to one of those people today, or rather talking at, I felt like I just vented while he listened, he gave me the following words, "A hard lesson for me has been learning what I can control and what I can't. Once you realize the latter it's actually kind of scary how little impact you have. I have faith and confidence in you that you'll do great. Not just fine (which is a word I've come to despise), but great. Believe in yourself and your skill-sets. Your decision to do this made so much sense to me when you explained what you'd be doing. I think it's a great opportunity and is very well suited for your personality."


Those words calmed my head and my heart. Even though I still am anxious and scared, I know what I am doing is going to be amazing.

25 days...

25 days to go and I have been trying to prepare myself for the culture shock, I know that can never really happen. But I am happy living in my own little naive world thinking that it can happen. I have been watching documentaries, checking out library books and spending countless hours online trying to find out what exactly to expect. I want to think I am prepared, but the actuality of living in an orphanage for the next 6 months, with girls who have either been abandoned, neglected, or widowed, means I will encounter something new everyday. It will be hard, it will test me, but I know that I will be doing good everyday and that I will not only help the girls but they will help me. Having such an A-type, OCD, perfectionist personality I need to know everything that will be going on. I know Molly's perfect world doesn't exist everywhere. However, I am hoping to bring a bit of my perfect world to the girls and I can't wait to meet them and see what this adventure has in store for me.